Speaking one's truth, free speech, and "that of God in All"

I have been out of the loop for the past few weeks, but I was asked recently my thoughts about the comments of the Chick-Fil-A CEO about gay marriage.  After doing a little more reading about it, I have to be honest, I think the reaction from the left on this (the mayors of Boston, Chicago and DC in particular) was way over the top and ultimately counter-productive, fueling the divide unnecessarily. 

Here’s what I know:  Chick-Fil-A is a fast-food corporation that is not open on Sundays.  This is not a fiscal decision, but a faith-based decision with fiscal implications.  Now think about it: in general, if a corporation like this is closed on Sunday, while most of the competitors are open, would you think this is a socially-liberal organization?  I certainly didn’t.  So now the CEO is ASKED his opinion on gay marriage, and he speaks his truth.  Given that Chick-Fil-A keeps its doors closed on Sundays as part of keeping the day sacred, why on earth did this surprise anyone?  The reaction of the left on this shows both ignorance (where have you been all these years, only now learning about this CEO?) and picks a fight where, honestly, I don’t think one was needed. 

There is a part of me that feels for the CEO.  He spoke his truth, and not only he but all his employees take a hit.  Other than closing on Sundays, I don’t see any other place in the corporation where faith influences practice.   This seems to me clearly a free-speech issue, and an example of where the activist world perhaps has too much time on its hands to generate reactivity – not thinking.  Because my aunt “likes” Chick-Fil-A on facebook, am I supposed to take offense?  Hardly.  As I said, there is something I admire about this company in its “closed on Sundays” practice.  To be honest, I think more companies should consider taking a day to put family, friends and faith above profit.  I also think it is a sad day when people are afraid to speak their truth – especially when asked.  Change is not going to happen solely through protest; conversation reaches those who often are pushed away by protest.  In this way, I think the activist reaction to the CEO’s statement has done more harm than good.  As my own protest, I am more likely to eat at Chick-Fil-A to show a support of free speech and good-faith effort at reconciliation. 

Is an opulent gay wedding really progress?

Last night a friend was telling me that one of his colleagues – a gay man – just proposed to his companion. With the recent approval of same-gender marriage, this is great that people can do this. It’s a true celebration of the achievements of the gay rights movement and the progression of society. But when I heard that the happy couple wants to have a big bash wedding and reception at the Newseum (rental alone is in the 10’s of thousands), I had to give pause. Earlier in the day, I heard a news story from Maryland about some legislative snags in a bill to approve gay marriage in that state. A legislator from Montgomery County stated that this issue is about civil rights. I have to say, when I put these two items together, I’m not as passionate about the cause.

The issue for me is not about marriage. I absolutely celebrate the rights of all to marry, and have been the benefit of such support. However, if we in the gay community are going to consider our cause a part of the larger civil rights and social justice movement, we should also be challenging each other in extending compassion and consideration to others. Personally, I’m not speaking up for gay rights so that wealthy gays and lesbians can have 6-figure weddings; I call the ability to marry "progress, but not the 6-figure wedding. To me, it’s just a gay form of greed, selfishness and conspicuous consumption and these are at the real basis of any true civil rights issue, in my opinion.

It saddens me to see a segment of our society that knows what it is to be marginalized acquire rights and then gleefully spends while forgetting that there are those who continue to be marginalized. To celebrate that greed and materialism transcend race, color and sexual orientation is no celebration at all. It’s a slap in the face of those still in need, and until we get serious about the underlying issues and connections, there will be no true equality.

Progress on gay rights

Over the past few months, there has been an enormous amount of movement on the rights of same gender-couples to get married. We all know about California and the voter decision to support Prop 8. There was also, in November, legislation in Florida and Arizona that put various restrictions on same gender families. But then, this week alone, Iowa courts and Vermont legislature made same-gender marriage a reality in those states. The District of Columbia is taking similar action. On a national level, there has been increased discussion about letting civil unions be the rule of the land for all people, and marriages be the acts of churches - a compromise that for many seems to have merit.

At the same time, in Iraq, (see NYTimes article: http://www.nytimes.com/2009/04/08/world/middleeast/08gay.html?_r=1&emc=eta1) there is a backlash in some of the more conservative regions against gay men. As quoted from the article: "Clerics in Sadr City have urged followers to help root out homosexuality in Iraqi society, and the police have begun their own crackdown on gay men. 'Homosexuality is against the law,' said Lt. Muthana Shaad, at a police station in the Karada district, a neighborhood that has become popular with gay men. 'And it’s disgusting.' For the past four months, he said, officers have been engaged in a 'campaign to clean up the streets and get the beggars and homosexuals off them.'”

All progress has elements of violent reactivity. No doubt that there is a rapid change in the expansion of gay rights, but we can expect an increase in reactivity as well, unfortunately. It always seems to be a part of the struggle.

I think it is important that we as Friends and Friend-communities look to see what we can do to support the movement. Paradoxically, I do not think that what we should do is create a litmus test for gay marriage. I just don't think society as a whole is there yet. But I think we can create allies for gay marriage among those whom are not yet there, but who are repulsed by people such as Fred Phelps (see www.godhatesfags.com), and by the attitudes of Lt. Shaad as quoted in the Times. Patience and perseverance will get us there, with a dash of faith. We know that opponents to gay marriage are gearing up, and their tactic is going to be to divide, and let gay marriage be the dividing issue. If we react along these lines, rather than continue to reach across these lines to those who are not at the far extreme but just on other side of the line, we will do more harm than good. To react divisively plays right into the "us vs. them" game. I, for one, will continue to look to expand who the "us" is rather than focus on "them".