Evangelicals, the GLBT Community, and Quaker Process

Increasingly, I am finding that the real strength of Quakerism is not the stand we take on issues, but how we can bring greater peace and understanding to all issues (and the world) if we would just have faith in the process. Yesterday was an affirmation of this for me. I had been working with a Christian High School for the past few years on HIV/AIDS issues. This school has been an incredible example of leading with its heart as it raised awareness and dollars, and completed mission trips to Zambia. The first time I visited the school, in prominent words in the hallways was the message "AIDS is Real". This was also one of the first organizations that we experienced stepping forward and committing a percentage of the "AIDS dollars" it raised to local work in addition to the international work. Throughout the course, however, we never directly raised isues of glbt rights, although I was always open about my sexuality, and when the issue was raised in the course of discussion, we never shied away from it.

Yesterday, I received an e-mail from my main contact at this school. His e-mail:

"Brad...I have a question for you...feel free to be honest in your response and or tell me you are uncomfortable answering it...

I am speaking in our chapel here on Tuesday about a research study done with people outside the evangelical church and their view of evangelical Christians...

http://www.unchristian.com/

One of the findings/points I will be addressing is their negative view and words and actions towards the homosexual lifestyle and gay people in our culture...

Would you be willing to give me a brief perspective on how you see the gay community has and currently views the evangelical church and Christians from your own perspective and experience...I think it is critical for our students to understand the reality of what their views and words do and are perceived to be as we challenge them to be a source of love and light in the world today and in the future...

Thanks for any perpective you can bring Brad...I appreciate your friendship...look forward to a great time at the prayer breakfast...my students are excited to come... "

My first thoughts were of affirmation that, yes, patience, perseverance, and love will accomplish the change we hope for the world. Not only has this individual and this school moved forward, but so have I, with a deeper faith being loving and seeing that of God in all things is really vital to bringing peace to our world. We may not like the pace of change, but change comes. I think that, too often, even we Quakers engage in partisanship when we loudly proclaim what is right and wrong, vs. engage lovingly and bring greater peace to all that is right and wrong, ultimately moving things forward. For me, this request and the message this school will be hearing is a real testament fo the Peace process.

Just for information, what I did with this request:
I asked a few friends to respond, and I included my own thoughts. Here's the entirety of the response:

My comments:
Here are a few thoughts about your question.
While I, personally, have never been burned by the Evangelical message, I have seen so much of the pain that it has caused some of my fellow gay men. I have, in the past, been fired for being gay, and was denied an apartment, so I have been discriminated against and these were definitely culturally driven and sanctioned by religious beliefs, but thankfully, was always able to land on my feet and keep my ego in-tact. (I think it’s also worth noting that God-less communist societies ban homosexuality as a threat to social order, so humanity does not need God to justify doing this).
What I have seen is that the message that condemns gays and lesbians for being gay/lesbian has the potential to be destructive to one’s soul. Solid Quaker theology says that to live a true, God-led and God-filled life, requires a healthy relationship with God, with others, and with one self. When a person is denied that opportunity through condemning messages, generally at least one of these three relationships (God, others, or self) suffers, and often it is all three. Often, this is why gays and lesbians abandon the church of their upbringing, and their families (or are evicted by them), and end up in the comfort of strangers. It is often why many replace love with sex, and end up in a world of promiscuity. They/we have been judged not for who we love, but for who we have sex with, and it can become confusing. As an HIV/AIDS worker, I can say that the church’s continued harsh message makes preventing the spread of HIV impossible all over the world. There is a misconception that in Africa, AIDS is a heterosexual disease only, but where people are not allowed to be honest without fear of retribution (in Africa, literally being sent to jail, if not outright beaten) we will continue to see men spreading HIV among themselves, and then taking it back to their wives.
But, more tragically, there are those I have known who so love God and their families that they don’t dare risk losing those relationships. In these cases, a few things have happened that I’ve seen. The tamest is a life of lies and hurt. Most tragically are the people who never acted on their sexuality, but instead took their own lives (in one tragic case, a young sat on his church steps and shot himself, believing he was giving himself up for God as his church was saying he must).
If I were asked what message I would suggest, it would be to be loving in all that you do. If we go down the road of “loving the sinner/hating the sin”, it gets messy. I know that there are dilemmas – ethical and moral – in all of this. I have seen – much to my surprise, given my secular humanist upbringing – intense love in the Evangelical community. Sometimes, the love of the Bible as selectively interpreted, does so much damage to people on this earth. One only needs to look to Rev. Fred Phelps (www.godhatesfags.com) to pause and think “is this what I also stand for?”. I think this is a question we all should ask ourselves everyday, and try and let our answer include a sentiment of being loving to all in all that we do. I believe that is what Jesus would do, and does do every day. And I have seen examples of the growing in our society, in the Emergent Church and Convergent Quaker movement, in the mission work of Wheaton College, and in some of the work that you have done at Wheaton Academy. I think there is a growing revolution in our world that increasingly sees the connection between the seeds of violence and hatred, and the resulting destruction of life in our world, and this revolutionary change is being fueled by a deeper love for all people and for God and is the only hope we have for transforming the world to a better place.
Just fyi for further fodder, I asked a few folks I know to also respond to this question. Below are their responses. In them, you will see a range of reactions, from kindness to anger and hurt. Interestingly, the first one talks about the “lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender community” as a single unit that has a single feeling. I have never seen that type of solidarity, as the other responses indicate.

Bill
The lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender community feels that talk of loving sinners and hating sins is just hate in love’s clothing. When pastors and others say they love us, but then fight laws that would protect us from being fired from our jobs or protect us from violent hate crimes, their credibility as moral leaders is nullified. It is insulting to be told on the one hand that we are promiscuous (as if heterosexual people aren’t) and then told we cannot marry. What we seek is real understanding of who we are and what we need, but the Evangelical community has largely used us as political pawns to gain power of us and others. Jesus wouldn’t treat us that way.

Jeff
So, do I get to answer this question as a refugee from the Evangelical church?
I think evangelicals have lost the right to be heard as a result of their relentless, judgmental message. Gay or not, one doesn't have to look very far to find high-profile failures in the evangelical context. Robert Roberts, leader of Oral Roberts University was in the news today, for example, for questions about improper use of ORU funds. Earlier this year, Ted Haggard left the National Association of Evangelicals following charges of gay sex and drug use. Several years ago, I remember the leaders of the evangelical ex-gay ministry Exodus International failed notably to stay ex-gay. And before that, Jim Bakker (Heritage USA) was jailed for misappropriation of donor funds. Even though most thoughtful people would acknowledge that these failures are not representative of the entire community, the damage has been done.
To some extent, evangelicals have become the modern-day pharisees that Jesus criticized as "whitewashed sephulchres." When I was first involved in HIV/AIDS ministry (1990-1995), my fellow evangelicals were like those who crossed to the other side of the road in the parable of the Good Samaritan, so as not to become unclean by providing assistance to the victim that badly needed it. Compassionate responses were few and far between. Fortunately, some of that has changed since then.
My biggest gripe with the evangelical community is the false dichotomy between "hating the sin but loving the sinner," which has become the foundation for a culture of conformity in behavior and rationalization in thought. This is the hallmark of their approach to queer folk. But Jesus clearly taught that, where sin is concerned, there is absolutely no difference between what you think, what you say, and what you do. Sin and sinner are a unity. If evangelicals learn (and in turn teach) that the person can be divorced from their conduct, is it any wonder that they become vulnerable to charges of hypocrisy? I don't think so.

Mary
Wow, this is a huge topic. Bravo to them for even asking the question.
From what I have heard from the youth perspective, our youth do not feel welcomed or respected or cared for in most contacts with Evangelicals. Quite the opposite, some have expressed that they view Evangelicals as bullies and find the dichotomy between what they believe Christians should do/be and what Evangelicals do/are in relation to LGBT issues impossible to explain. Many of our youth do identify as Christian, but feel that there is so much judgment and criticism doled out by the Evangelical churches that they have difficulty finding peace sometimes with their own Christianity and their orientation. Youth who grow up in churches that are more comfortable with this topic, like the UU or UCCs, seem to struggle a bit less around their own belonging.

Ben
Good, kind, hearted folks trying to do what they believe is right

Greg
-The Evangelical Christian has made it quite clear that they feel their understanding of Christianity is one of judgment, punishment and a need for compliance
-Very little room for conversation and mutual understanding is provided
-The message is parental and condemnatory
-Their interpretation of the Bible is that all homosexual matters are un-Christian, repulsive and wrong
-To be "saved" or good, homosexuals must change in thought, behavior, etc.

The need for healing this rift is enormous but can be nurtured by:

-Allow that God loves all of his creation, including gays
-Individual worth of each person will never be known by other people; only God knows that
-Love one another as you would have them love you
-Do unto others as you would want them to do to you
-Open your intellect to a broader, fuller understanding of the Bible, how it was created/written, in what timeframe and under what
historical and sociological pressures it was created
-Have doubt that your undertanding of the world is not the only valid understanding possible

Sam
If you are referring specifically to the hate-mongering churches, the answer is mixed. Those churches continue to provide fodder for the haters, and the self-haters. Most of the rest of us tend to ignore them, or work diligently against their message.

Matt
To put it quite frankly, I feel the Evangelical community & Christians in general would like nothing better than to put all GLBTs on a train and ship us to the gas chambers. They would love nothing better than to destroy all of us. When AIDS 1st hit, they were delighted that the we were being decimated! They use GLBT to rally their troops' for big fundraisers to spread lies about us. I don't trust them an don't think I ever will! Sorry, I'm a bigot!

A bleak view but I don't see much Christian love around

A broad spectrum of responses; some intellectual, some compassionate, some angry, some hurt, and some love. The ability of Quakers to bring love and healing to all of them may be our greatest gift to the world.

Quakers, Muslims, 9/11, and Homosexuality

I had an interesting conversation with someone who works in development at a Friends School the other day. This person and I had been in high school together, but didn't really know each other, and just recently reconnected. I was telling her about some of the work I had done in Wheaton, IL with Evangelicals around HIV and GLBT issues (see http://www.mosaicinitiative.org/ for more). She asked for some guidance on the following:

After 9/11, the school she works at made a point to reach out to a local Muslim private school, and build a relationship for peace and understanding. The day before we spoke, her son (in 6th grade at the school) came back from an exchange day at the Muslim school, and reported that this school holds firm beliefs that condemn homosexuality. She said the Friends school is now challenged to re-examine its relationship, and how to respond, given that they have a firm commitment to being fully accepting of the glbt community and rights.

This story raises, for me, interesting questions about the role that different parts of community play in values, morals, education, and beliefs, and the gift that Quakerism (somewhat uniquely, but not exclusively) as a Peace community can bring to the world. I also like to think that questions can help guide our responses by being an effective tool for engaging listening and thoughtful dialog into the process as opposed to reactive arguing. So, in this case, an introspective question for the Friends school is what can you learn from this about reactive engagement in relationship building? In response to a perhaps fundamentalist Christian targeting of Muslims as bad people (or "terrorists"), and a desire to make a statement of peace to those who are being targeted, it created a blind spot to the fact that there are some fundamental differences in beliefs between many Muslims and liberal Quakers. What does this tell us about blind spots in our vision of the world?

There are also some good questions to be raised through this experience about the role of Quaker schools in teaching values. I think the greatest asset Quakers have to offer the world are in the Peace Testimony, and in that, can we always ask ourselves "How can I infuse greater peace to this current situation, while minimizing the risk of violence in the future?" In this case, rather than be reactive to the issues raised, perhaps foster greater understanding of the Muslim faith, while having a faith that one's own beliefs are not being threatened. I have found a deepening of my own Quaker faith by actually engaging in dialog with people who have a fundamentally different belief. There are some wonderful questions to be raised here. For example, there is always the question of "nature vs. nurture" when it comes to homosexuality. Can we also pose the same question about religion. Are people born inherently Muslim or Christian, or is this a choice? If it is a choice, what is it like to be discriminated against and condemned for this choice, as the Muslims are in this country? How is this similar or different from discrimination against homosexuals? And what about those who say that homosexuality is not a choice -as most gays and lesbians feel is the real truth (and is backed by most science on the topic)? What would be the right religious and social response to them?

The important thing I suggested to my friend is for the school to be open to dialog, and not to choose sides - and not just with the Muslim school, but within the Friends school. There are going to be many issues in which there is disagreement, and schools are the best place to teach people to hold dialog. I think ultimately, the job of schools is not to indoctrinate, but to insure that students have the ability to think, and the Quaker faith is that this ability to think rather than react and be indoctrinated blindly into a set of beliefs is the essence of the Peace Testimony that will lead us to a world with less violence.